The Accidental Honeymoon
by Portia
MacIntosh
Released: June
16, 2017
Harper Collins
Interview
Tell us about your new book.
- The Accidental Honeymoon is all about a girl called Georgie who
finds out her fiancé is cheating on her a couple of days before she's due
to fly home for her cousin's wedding. They were supposed to be stopping
for a romantic night in Las Vegas on the way, so Georgie decides to go
alone. There, she drinks too much, unknowingly ties the knot with a
stranger and then, when her husband turns up on the plane demanding an
annulment, she ropes him into first pretending to be her fiancé for the
week, so she doesn't have to face the music just yet. That's when the fun
really starts!
Where is the book set?
- It kicks off in Vegas, but most of it takes place in Blackpool,
in the UK. That's sort of like our Vegas [laughs].
Do you have a favourite part of the book?
- Any of the scenes where it's just Georgie and Jack talking,
when they can drop the act and really talk to each other. I like the way
they tease each other.
How did you prepare for this book?
- I actually spent a lot of time in casinos, which was fun.
They're so glamorous and so alive. It felt weird, to have no concept of
time without looking at my watch. I really enjoyed playing Blackjack and
roulette. I didn't like the slots, machines just feel impossible to beat.
What was your favourite thing about the
casino?
- Getting to wear an evening dress and pretending to be fabulous.
Did you win?
- I did, actually. But I quit while I was ahead because I'm a
wuss.
How many books have you published now?
- This one is number seven!
What are you working on next?
- I'll be getting straight on with book eight. It's technically a
sequel to one of my other books, but it will work as a standalone novel
too. That's about all I can say right now.
What inspires you?
- Real life. My writer brain is always working. Everything from
things that happen to me, to my friends, to things I overhear strangers
say will often make if in to my books.
Books or movies?
- If I'm busy, it's movies, because I can consume them entirely
in a couple of hours. You can't beat a good book though.
Single or loved up?
- I'm all mushy and loved up.
Dogs or cats?
- Dogs. My gosh, I love dogs.
Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones?
- Breaking Bad. TV perfection.
Sweets or chocolate?
- Chocolate, please.
Summer or winter?
- That's tough, I like it in between. Winter...I think.
Sports or soaps?
- Soaps.
Excerpt:
‘What have you got in here, a body?’ the hotel porter asks
as he places my suitcase on the floor.
‘Ha, ha, ha,’ I laugh politely, but the worried look on his
face suggests he would actually like an explanation.
‘I did a bit of last-minute holiday shopping on my way
here,’ I tell him. Well, what I actually did was buy myself the best part of a
whole new wardrobe. In an inexplicable moment of madness I bought everything I
could get my hands on that was distinctly ‘not me’. I left home for my trip
without the suitcase I’d already packed with my usual, demure, conservative
clothing. Instead, I bought a new one and overstuffed it with short, low,
brightly coloured, cheaply made alternatives.
‘Good for you,’ he replies. ‘I thought maybe your fiancé
was in there.’
‘Ha, ha, ha,’ I laugh again, this time a little more
genuinely as I fantasise about John being stuffed in a suitcase.
‘So, let me show you around the room.’
I glance around my corner suite at the Black Diamond
Hotel. It’s still daylight, but even so, the view is amazing. The first thing I
do is head towards the window to take it all in.
‘First time in Vegas?’ the porter asks.
I nod my head.
‘I figured so when I heard your accent. Well, you’re in
for a treat when it gets dark. This is one of our best rooms for admiring the
view. This over here is your bathroom.’
The porter gestures towards a door. I pop my head inside.
Both the floor and wall tiles are black, flecked with colourful sparkles that
twinkle the second he flicks the light on. There’s a huge rainfall shower and
an even bigger bath. Even the toilet is fancy with its silver mosaic finish,
resembling a disco ball.
‘It’s very nice,’ I tell him.
‘And back in the bedroom, the mini bar and safe are down
here.’ He gestures to a cupboard. ‘And the TV is inside this cabinet.’
‘Awesome,’ I reply, struggling to hide my indifference.
‘And here is your bed, obviously. It’s a super king, with
Egyptian cotton sheets. The rose petals were a request by your fiancé – you’re
a very lucky lady.’
I smile as I reach for my purse to tip the porter.
‘Thank you for all your help,’ I tell him, handing him
some money.
The porter takes it and thanks me, but he doesn’t leave
the room. Instead, he hovers in the doorway.
‘Is everything OK with your room, Miss… er…?’ he asks.
‘Georgie,’ I reply. ‘And it’s great. Thank you.’
Still, the porter lingers.
‘It’s just… you don’t seem very happy with it,’ he
persists.
‘Honestly, the room is perfect.’
He furrows his brow, unconvinced.
‘Well, OK then.’
‘OK then,’ I echo.
I force a smile, holding it only as long as it takes the
porter to close the door behind him. Finally alone, I crouch down on the floor
next to the inviting-looking bed and start picking up the pink and red rose
petals that have been scattered around the room. I place the ones from the
floor on top of the bed before scooping them all up together. I glance around
for a wastepaper bin, but it turns out that’s the only thing this room doesn’t
seem to have. There isn’t a bin in the fancy bathroom either. I just need these
rose petals out of here. The sparkly toilet literally catches my eye, so I dump
the petals inside and flush. I’m walking out of the bathroom when the sound of
the toilet spluttering catches my ear. I glance back at it and realise I’ve
blocked it, the water having risen all the way to the top. Brilliant,
wonderful, marvellous. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.
I massage my temples for a moment, wracking my brains for
a solution. I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man. Glancing
into the toilet, full to the seat with water, completely out of my depth, I
realise I might not need a man, but I definitely need a plumber, and it could
well be a bloke. First, though, I need a drink.
Seeing as I’ll be spending the entire evening in here
alone, I may as well pillage the mini bar. I grab all of the tiny bottles of
booze and line them up on the desk in front of me.
I tap a finger on the bottles one at a time, trying to
figure out which one to have first. I land on a miniature bottle of gin, remove
the lid and toss the contents down the hatch. ‘Argh!’ I say out loud. I’m not
usually one for drinking spirits neat.
I cast an eye over the snacks in the mini bar, umming and
aahing over whether to eat the honey-roasted nuts, the vegetables chips or one
of the many bars of chocolate. I shrug my shoulders, grab them all and dump
them down on the bed, but as I go back for the tiny bottles of booze, I notice
something else in the mini bar. I take the can from the inside door and examine
it. It’s some energy drink-looking thing called Ecstasy. I hate energy drinks,
so I quickly return it, except, as I place it back down, I hear the contents
rattle. What could it be? Not drugs, surely. This is a beautiful hotel, and
they couldn’t guarantee their guests would keep quiet about such a thing. I
cock my head with curiosity, taking the can back out. It’s black, with fancy
red writing on it, and not a whole lot of other information. Curiouser and
curiouser, I pop the top off and peep into the rabbit hole. Unable to make
anything out, I pour the contents into my hand, only to cause them to spill out
all over the desk. It all happens so quickly, but as the silver bullet inside
bounces on the desk a couple of times, it activates the power and causes it to
vibrate. The bullet pauses on the edge of the desk, but only for a second
before the powerful vibrations send it flying off behind the furniture. As I
take stock of the other items – a condom, a small tube of lubricant and a
blindfold – I realise this is some sort of sex kit, and that the vibrator that
came with it (no pun intended) is currently lodged behind this big, heavy desk,
vibrating loudly against the wood.
I move quickly, but it’s no use. I can’t reach it. Damn
this stupid bodycon dress I bought today, that I can’t bloody move in. Thinking
fast, I slip the dress off, allowing me my usual full range of body movements,
and lean over the desk, reaching behind it to try and grab the offending
vibrator.
There’s a knock on the door.
‘Just a sec,’ I call back. I can feel the vibrator with
the tips of my fingers, but I just can’t get a hold of it. Just one big stretch
and… oh God, my hand is stuck. My bangle is caught on the back of the desk.
When I took off my clothes to try and reach, I never even thought about my
tacky new accessories.
Whoever is at my door knocks again.
‘Coming,’ I snap loudly, in case they didn’t hear me the
first time.
If I can just wiggle my hand free and turn this thing off…
‘Hello? Miss… Georgie?’ I hear the porter call as he opens
the room door.
‘Oh my God, what are you doing in here?’ I call back.
‘You said “come in”,’ he replies. ‘I…’
He falls silent the second he lays eyes on me.
‘I said “coming”,’ I say softly, attempting to bury my
probably very red face in the desk.
‘What’s… er…’
The porter is clearly lost for words.
‘I’m stuck,’ I tell him simply.
He rushes over and pulls the desk out from in front of the
wall. I free my hand before snatching the vibrator, turning it off and quickly
grabbing the bed sheets to save me any further embarrassment – as though that
might be possible.
‘“Come in”, “coming” – I guess it’s the accent,’ he says
awkwardly. He glances around the room, taking stock of all the alcohol, junk
food and sex aids scattered around. Having just seen me bent over the desk in
my underwear, trying to retrieve a loudly buzzing vibrator, I can only imagine
what he’s thinking. ‘Erm, anyway, I have some good news. I know you said
everything with the room was fine. Anyway, I don’t know if that’s good old
English manners or what, but I told the manager something wasn’t right and he
asked me to give you this voucher for a fully comped three-course meal in our
restaurant tonight, for you and your fiancé – and a bottle of champagne for
now.’
He smiles widely and theatrically.
‘Thank you so much,’ I reply, touched by his gesture. I
tighten the bed sheets around my body – lest he see me in my underwear again –
before taking the vouchers in one hand and the champagne in the other. I place
them down on the desk before wrapping my arms around my body self-consciously.
‘And here are some chips – on the house. We wish you and
your fiancé the best of luck in our casino.’
I take the chips from him. As I glance down at the
numbers, I realise I’m holding $1,000 worth of chips.
‘Thank you.’
‘Are you having your champagne now, or are you waiting
until your fiancé gets here?’ he asks.
‘Oh, now,’ I reply, a little quicker and more keenly than
I probably should have.
‘Would you like me to pour it for you?’ he asks, although
I can tell he wants to get out of this room just as much as I want him to.
‘It’s fine, thank you. I can handle things from here,’ I
reply.
‘I’m sure you can,’ he replies – probably sarcastically. ‘Well,
I promise not to bother you again in another ten minutes.’ Bloody hell, is that
all it was?! ‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’
‘No, thank you,’ I reply. ‘Actually, yes, wait…’ I call
after him. ‘I blocked my toilet.’
Blurb:
What happens in Vegas…When Georgie discovers that her
fiancé has been cheating on her, only a few days before her cousin’s wedding,
her whole world explodes. Facing a romantic trip to Vegas alone, she decides to
go out and have some fun…
…but Georgie never expected to wake up wed! And even
worse, she can’t remember who to. So when gorgeous Jack reveals himself as her
husband, she can’t believe her luck – he’ll act as the perfect wedding date!
Even if it is their very accidental honeymoon, surely the
newlyweds can keep their emotions in check for just a few days more?
Don’t miss the laugh-out-loud romantic comedy from Portia
MacIntosh, author of It’s Not You, It’s Them. Perfect for fans of Rosie Blake,
Sophie Kinsella and Lindsey Kelk.
Book Links: Amazon | Amazon UK | B&N | Google Play | Goodreads
Amazon:
http://amzn.to/2pWgw8K
Amazon UK:
http://amzn.to/2pcUP5d
B&N:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-accidental-honeymoon-portia-macintosh/1126244608?type=eBook
Google Play:
https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Portia_MacIntosh_The_Accidental_Honeymoon?id=XSQPDgAAQBAJ
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34472959-the-accidental-honeymoon
Author Info:
Portia MacIntosh has been 'making stuff up' for as long as
she can remember - or so she says. Whether it was blaming her siblings for that
broken vase when she was growing up, blagging her way backstage during her rock
chick phase or, most recently, whatever justification she can fabricate to
explain away those lunchtime cocktails, Portia just loves telling tales. After
years working as a music journalist, Portia decided it was time to use her
powers for good and started writing novels. Taking inspiration from her
experiences on tour with bands, the real struggle of dating in your twenties
and just trying to survive as an adult human female generally, Portia writes
about what it's really like for women who don't find this life stuff as easy as
it seems.
Website:
http://portiamacintosh.wixsite.com/books
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/macintoshportia/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/PortiaMacIntosh
Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7021666.Portia_Macintosh
Tour Link:
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